Going to share my speech here I gave in church today- my many thanks to everyone there for bearing with me, for I had a LOT to say!! I was so appreciative of all your kind and supporting words. Thank you thank you!!!
Today is a special Sunday to me and others in the adoption community... Orphan Sunday. A day where we make a stand for the child with no Mommy or Daddy. As Christians we are called to defend the fatherless... to care for the child that has no family... to visit orphans in their distress. I contacted Pastor David several weeks ago asking if I could share our adoption story on this special day, as God was all over our whole process from the very beginning. Many of you know we recently adopted a little girl, Lina, from Russia just 6 months ago. While I am not the public speaker, I am passionate about these children, and am in awe about how God moved us. It was ALL Him.
The statistics shocked me to the core: the vast majority of children born with any type of disability in Eastern Europe are “rejected” at birth.
They are sent to impoverished orphanages and around age 4 they are transferred to mental institutions.
About 80% die within their first year of the institution. Disgusting. I wasn't ready to travel that road and adopt, but I began donating where I could to help raise grant funds for different children on the site. And then the wheels started turning.... Maybe in a few years when Evan starts kindergarten and my mom retires, we can look into doing this and adopt a child of our own. That's IF Mike would be on board with the idea. Yea, Mike is your type A, high strung personality. If there's something to stress about, he's your man. There's no way he would be on board with this. Sure we talked about fostering and adoption years ago, but this is a whole different ballgame.
Then one day in April of 2011, a friend of mine from the DS community posted a photo of Polina on her Facebook wall- asking “Are you her mama??”
Now I had seen Polina's photo on
Reece's Rainbow many months prior and knew she would be scooped up quickly. Her photo was gorgeous, she was listed as healthy and sociable- a little dream! Why was she still waiting??
I got the nerve to ask Mike. After all the kids were in bed, I pulled her photo up on my laptop and showed him, while making big puppy dog eyes and saying, “I want her.” I had NO IDEA how he would react. He looked at me, paused for a moment, and said, “We can ask...” Oh my gosh, are you serious?? He was actually open to the idea!!
I emailed Reece's Rainbow and was told there were a few families who had already inquired about her and sent initial paperwork to Russia- so it looked like she was claimed. She should have a family coming!! BIG sigh of relief. Because I wasn't sure I was ready to travel down this road so quickly- Evan wasn't even 2 years old yet and Mom is still plugging away at work. My parents would be the ones to hopefully watch our kids while we traveled.
I couldn't stop checking on Polina's webpage though. She wouldn't budge from the “waiting children” category. Why hasn't her family committed to her yet?? Suddenly at the end of May- new requirements appeared on Polina's page. New requirements ONLY for Polina. Crazy requirements like “Must live in Maryland”, “Must have a child with Down Syndrome”, “Must not have more than 4 children at home”, and income requirements as well. Well guess what. Yep, we met all those ridiculous requirements. I knew God was screaming at us to come get this child! I pulled the page back up and showed Mike. He didn't blink an eye. “Yes.” I must have asked him twenty times if he was sure, but he was confident. His only reply, “You know we can't save them all...” Yes, I know. So I e-mailed Reece's Rainbow again and received this response:
Oh, Amy wow!! Amazing timing! We just found out two days ago that all the families who submitted preliminary applications were rejected by the judge in her region and these new strict requirements were put in place. I intended to go through my emails this weekend and contact all the families who inquired about her whom I told she had a family to see if there was any slim chance any of them would meet those requirements. To be honest, we haven't been optimistic that there would be a qualified family for her. Wow!
Now before I continue, I'm sure many of you are wondering, “Why Maryland??” I asked the same thing. In this particular region, the judge was very strict and like most people in Russia, believed that children with disabilities belong in institutions. The very first adoption case of a child with DS that came to her court was just in March of 2011 and she denied the family. She told them she believed they were good parents and they could have any other child they wanted, but not him. One of her reasons for denying them: they lived too far away from the adoption agency and she was concerned about the post adoption reports being completed- the agency is in Maryland and they live in Texas. She did however rule in favor of two other adoptions that came after- those families already had a child with Down syndrome at home so she believed they were more qualified. All the other families who requested to adopt Polina were denied for either having too many children at home already or their salaries weren't deemed high enough in the judge's eyes. And the first family that she denied in court did go on to appeal at the Supreme Court level and won, which sent a strong message to her to reconsider her beliefs. So since we met all these steep requirements we were feeling confident she would approve our adoption as well. We are really gonna take this road!
First step: Get my parents' approval. They would be the ones watching our kids at home while we traveled, so we definitely needed them on board with this. Yes, like most our other friends and family- they thought we were completely nuts, but they supported us every step of the way. They asked lots of questions with their concerns, and the more answers they got, the more accepting and encouraging they became.
Next step: contact the adoption agency handling Polina's referral. We dove right into the massive paperwork- I really had NO idea whatsoever what was involved in adopting a child internationally. You always hear about all the paperwork, and I envisioned the huge stack of papers you sign to buy a house. Yea, this paperwork is a bit different. We applied for our passports, got numerous background checks with fingerprinting, health forms completed for not just Mike and I but for all our children, fire inspection of our home along with a complete homestudy involving two interviews with our social worker, financial reports of this kind and that. We had to apply to the Department of Homeland Security to gain permission to bring a child into the country- send all these approval documents over to Russia to be translated and approved by the Ministry of Education there, and then we had to travel to meet her!
Russia requires a minimum of three trips now to adopt a child- our first trip was last November to request permission in person to meet Polina, and then after meeting her, petitioning to adopt her. Polina was living in the region of Pskov- located in the far western part of Russia- very close to the border of Estonia.
We had to fly into Moscow which was a 10.5 hour flight from Dulles if you manage to get a direct flight, stay a night in Moscow, and then depart the next evening by train to get to Pskov- a 12.5 hour overnight train ride. So with the 8-9 hour time difference depending upon Daylight Savings Time, we left home on a Saturday evening, arrived in Moscow Sunday morning, departed on the train Monday evening, and arrived in Pskov Tuesday morning. We then had a 2 hour car ride to get to the orphanage- 2 hours each way of dilapidated dirt roads full of huge pot holes... and arrived at her institution.
To backtrack a little, I found out through another family adopting a child from the same orphanage that Lina had in fact already been transferred to the older child's orphanage, and since she had a disability, it was indeed an institution. Thankfully it wasn't like the horrid places I'd read about previously- from what I've seen following other families' stories- Russian institutions don't seem quite as scary as others in Ukraine and Serbia for example. This institution was considered a boarding school for the mentally retarded. Well that's just a nice name for it really, because the children there weren't being educated, but they were at least receiving what appeared to be adequate care. My friend Ashley did point me to the website of a
charity group from here in the states that goes into their specific institution to run a summer camp full of games and educational opportunities.
I admit I was completely stunned when I saw the photos of Polina on their website- stark contrast to the happy, well dressed and groomed photo from Reece's Rainbow.
Clearly the first photos in the pretty blue dress were taken before she was transferred. My heart broke into pieces all over again.
These photos were taken during a little Easter party my friend Ashley had donated money for them to have for the kids- she adopted Juliana in the pink.
Before we made the trip in November, I had contacted the director of ROOF to let them know we were coming for Polina, and she was THRILLED. This was during the time of their summer camp, and I was SO relieved to receive this updated photo back in July.
When we entered the orphanage, we saw older children walking through the halls. They were not malnourished, and they appeared happy. The facility was clean even if it was a bit run down- there were no foul odors. Huge sigh of relief.
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| Belskoye Ustye "boarding school for the mentally retarded" |
We were first taken to the director's office where we asked any questions we had for either her or the doctor on staff there. Very few people in Pskov speak English, so this was all done through a translator. After we asked all our questions we were then taken to Polina's “groupa” which is the smaller group of children she eats, sleeps, and carries on her days with. Think of it like the rooms of a daycare center where they are split up by age group.
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| room where Polina's groupa slept |
There were about ten children in Polina's groupa, and as soon as we peeked through the doorway we recognized her immediately. Most of the children swarmed us when we entered the room- climbing on us, crawling into our arms, searching for any type of attention or affection. They were all so precious, but it was definitely overwhelming. Polina was not one to come over to us. She instead remained in her chair eating her apple. She was a little hesitant when we first approached her, wondering who we were and what we wanted. We were told she was an independent child and preferred to play by herself and do things on her own.
We took Lina upstairs to the psychologist's office- Lina was very comfortable in this room- we were told she came here once a week to work with the psychologist.
There were several other adults in the room, and the psychologist in particular was speaking a lot to Lina. It was a little difficult to interact with Lina at first, but at least she could see that we were ok.
Eventually the others backed off and Mike and I were able to interact more with her. We brought crayons and toys for her to play with during our visits. While she was very removed and distanced emotionally, she did have fun playing with us.
We had about 90 minutes with her the next two days which went by in the blink of an eye. We had to say goodbye and head back home for a few more months, gathering more paperwork, decorating her room, and waiting for a court date.
After submitting more paperwork we finally received our court date at the end of January- to be held March 15th- beware the Ides of March! Those were Mike's first words when I shared the news with him. The race was back on to get plane tickets, hotel reservations, travel visas, and several thousand dollars in brand new US bills to be paid to our facilitator in Moscow as we had done for our first trip also. This trip would be more expensive though since we had to have medical exams done in Moscow to prove we are healthy enough to adopt. This cost us just over $1,000 each to have 8 different specialists sign off that we are healthy. We had to have blood work done at home and had to bring chest x-rays with us which were read by their radiologists since they don't trust ours, and we had to have our bloodwork repeated in country also. In four hours we were seen by an internist, pulmonologist, dermatologist, neurologist, infectious disease specialist, psychologist, and oncologist.
After our medicals in Moscow we departed for Pskov the next evening, and had only one visit with Lina this trip. The orphanage staff warned us that she would be scared and not remember us from four months prior. Well, we entered the room and she immediately sat down to wait for us to approach her. She gave a little smile and leaned in to nuzzle noses with me as we had done on our first trip. The staff were dumbfounded- they couldn't believe she remembered us!
After our 90 minute visit, our translator translated our speeches aloud to our facilitator in the car as we drove back to the hotel. She gave us advice on points to add or take out- mostly add, and we met with our other facilitator the next morning to review our speeches again right before court. She ran down a long list of questions the judge would possibly ask- questions she had asked the families that went before us.
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| Pskov Regional Courthouse |
Court went picture perfect- Mike and I each had to make a speech- introducing ourselves and providing information about our family, explain why we wanted to adopt, and giving reasons why we would make a good family. We discussed resources available in our community, and showed photographs of our family and home. We also brought photos of the other children with Down syndrome who were adopted from this region so the judge could see how they are thriving. She flipped through that album several times. The judge asked each of us a few questions after our speeches, and the prosecutor also asked us questions. A prosecutor in the Russian court is there as a representative of the child's best interests. After our turns, the social workers each got up and made a speech talking about Polina's development and how she belongs in a family. They also spoke of our interactions with her in the orphanage. They both recommended she be placed in our care. Lastly, the prosecutor stood and made a speech, explaining that with all the opportunities available in our home and community, this would be the best for Polina. After a brief recess, the judge returned and proclaimed her ours.
January 1, 2012 a new law was passed in Russia requiring a 30 day wait for court proceedings to take effect. This goes for all court hearings, not just adoptions. So, Polina was not legally ours until April 17th, hence the third trip to bring her home.
Our last trip was 8 days, just as our first trip- second trip was 7 days. We traveled out to Pskov to first gather paperwork- the court decree from the courthouse, her original birth certificate which we had to take to another office to get her new birth certificate with our names printed as her parents, and then had to take the new birth certificate to the passport agency to get her Russian passport. She doesn't become a US citizen until she touches US soil, so she travels home on a Russian passport with a US travel visa.
Our Gotcha Day was not the romanticized experience I had envisioned.... I first hoped to pick her up from the orphanage so we could get photos with the director and caregivers and say a proper goodbye.... I wanted to give them our gifts in person and be able to walk Lina out those doors forever. Instead, the roads were a horrible muddy mess since the snow was just starting to melt, so the orphanage staff brought her to us.
My next vision was waiting in the hotel lobby for her to come through the doors.... We were told what time to meet in the lobby, and about a half hour early we receive a phone call that they are already waiting in the lobby! The orphanage staff and our facilitator are all huddled next to her so we had to push our way through just to sit or stand next to her! Ah well.... She's ours now and forever!!
Mike immediately left with our facilitators to close out Lina's bank accounts while I took Lina up to our hotel room to hang out until he got back. She had three accounts- I'm not sure about the one since it only had 1 ruble which equals about 3 cents, and then she had two other accounts which had much more money. We don't know the specifics of what each account was from, but all Russian orphans with disabilities have a bank account- money paid from the Russian government, similar to a disability check. We donated a large sum back to the orphanage, as this is customary. That evening we headed back to Moscow- Lina had a medical exam by a US Embassy approved physician to declare she is healthy enough to enter the country, and then an appointment at the embassy to get her travel visa and documents to turn in at customs in the US to obtain her certificate of citizenship.
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| boarding our train in Pskov heading back to Moscow |
We departed home the next day and Lina did wonderfully on the 10 hour flight home as well as the 2 hour drive home from the airport.
Preparing for adopting an older child from a foreign country- we read books and took online courses as required for our homestudy, and were aware of issues we could very possibly face while Polina adjusts to family life. I was quite worried about how long it would take her to attach and bond since she was so independent in the orphanage and kept to herself. We were told she didn't really have a best friend nor had a particularly favorite caregiver. She was not affectionate during any of our visits, aside from our little nose nuzzle- she was not interested in hugging and tried to slink away when I picked her up to put her on my lap.
Well from the moment she was placed in our care she immediately came to life. We saw lots of genuine smiles we had never seen before, and within a day or two she was smothering me in hugs and kisses. She wanted to sit in my lap at meals and even wanted me to spoon food in her mouth. This was all highly encouraged by the attachment experts- the more dependent we let her be on us in the beginning, the quicker she will bond.
How did the other kids handle her coming home? How did she act around them?
When we brought Lina home, she literally carried on as if she had always been here. The older kids adored her. Yes, Evan had some adjusting to do- getting used to sharing Mommy and his toys- he seemed to have more issues sharing his toys!
Lina was a bit bossy with him, taking toys away and scolding him- nothing too harsh, but Evan is very sensitive with this stuff and it usually resulted in a meltdown for him. Lina responded very well to correction, and they both were getting along fine after a week or two. Two issues she seemed to have major trauma to get past- bathtime and bedtime. While I was concerned about communication issues with the language barrier- we never had any issues at all.
Health issues we had to deal with: Scabies and skin fungus. Her vitamin D was low so she was put on supplements, and her thyroid levels were a little off so she has started thyroid medication as well, which is common for children with Down syndrome.
Lina started preschool this fall in the 4's class- age wise she should have begun kindergarten this year, but I held her back to give her a chance to catch up on things. We are scheduled to have her IEP meeting next week for all those who understand how slow the special education process is here.
Not only did I want to share our story, but I also wanted to present ways we as a church can help the orphan crisis in the world. While we were asked many times, “why not a child here in the US?” Of course the first reason is that God clearly led us to Polina. Secondly, while millions of children around the world wait for families, here in the US families are waiting for children. We don't have orphanages. We have long waiting lists of families hoping to adopt domestically. Yes, there are children in foster care, but they don't live in the horrifying conditions that other children withstand in other parts of the world. Not everyone is called to adopt, but we all can help in some way, either through prayer or financially.
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| Part of Lina's bank account purchased much needed medications for a baby house in desperate need |
I am still in contact with our sweet facilitator, Marina, in Pskov, and we have successfully transferred funds through contacts in the Congress of Russian Americans. We have sent donations of clothing and medications through other adoptive families traveling to the same region.
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| Marina delivering more much needed supplies to the orphanage |
Our family makes a regular monthly donation to the
Russian Orphan Opportunity Fund- they are grateful for any donations either one time or monthly. They continue to do great things in Pskov as well as other parts of Russia. We thank you for considering to help the orphans we left behind. <3
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